I want to be more that's why I read more.
The other night I started to read another book - it's about teaching. The 1st chapter reads - the first law of the teacher. It talks about our continuous need to grow - in mind, body, spirit and as part of a community. It says that we need to continuously grow because as teachers, we should be like running waters rather than a stagnant lake. It said that to grow, we must grow in all aspects of ourselves - that we should never compartmentalize religion (spirituality) with the others (intellectual, social, physical) and vice versa.
Now, my frustration.
As I read more books in my desire to grow and be more than what I already am, the things that I have to put into practice or apply in my everyday life grows like shit! There are areas in my life that admittedly, are left by a mile or two by other areas - does that explains why I am not yet the man I wish to be? Should I stop reading because instead of making me grow, it just makes me shrink into frustration?
Having been bombarded with the things that I should do in order to grow as a teacher and at large, as a man I realized that it was in the area of spirituality that I lack growth the most - not to mention the physical aspect.
I remember a friend saying that spirituality is different from being religious. As much as I want to agree with the statement, I get more and more confused.
All these authors that I've been reading says that it is the same - well, they never said it explicitly but as I understood their writings, they did. Fact is, I know the things that I should do as well as those things that I should avoid or refrain from doing but I just can't, I simply can't.
Just thinking about changing everything in my environment makes me feel like dying. I can't miss all these fun things! I can never be happy in a life of a boxed person - I'm an extrovert! But I know for a fact, that time will come that I have to choose and face the consequences of the decisions that I am making right now. Sooner or later, I will reap the harvest - will it be a fruitful one or the opposite? I don't know, none of us has the ability to know. For now, I'll just enjoy the mud, the sun, the heat, the rain as I sow seeds of friendship and love to this life that has been entrusted to me.
